Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i jhust puked up my retainher.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
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