You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
