Princesses don't give blow jobs
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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