her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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