i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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