He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
