my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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