At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
where are my eyebrows?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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