DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize