That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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