im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
