We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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