p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
