ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize