you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
