Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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