WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
