I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
We need a shit load of segways right now
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
