Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Text me some of your sweat
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