i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize