Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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