I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
