she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
