so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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