Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize