Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
