People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
