Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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