All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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