her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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