my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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