dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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