All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
