I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
