Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Randomize
