Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
