I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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