I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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