Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
