can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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