btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
