My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
