There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
