never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
