If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
