its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
