Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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