so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
