I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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