well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
