Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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