btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
