I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
You are the jesus of drinking
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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