He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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