Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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