thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
