The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
we're making bets on your personal life
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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