You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Come on in and take your pants off
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