I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize