apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Randomize
