I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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