I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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