Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
