Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
