Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
