Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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