this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
