he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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