dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Just high enough for therapy.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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