Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
