i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
