It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
