Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize