How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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