just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
