Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Randomize
