Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
