Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
