is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
