Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
