you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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