You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
