Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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