When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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