I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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