I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
