dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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