I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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