The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
