I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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