The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
