if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
