I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
